WHITE BEAN VEGGIE BURGERS

2 cans white beans, drained and rinsed

2-3 shallots or one medium onion, chopped

2-3 cloves garlic, minced

1 scallion

1 egg

¼ cup breadcrumbs

1 tsp. dried sage or 6 fresh sage leaves, chopped

Olive Oil (2-3 tbs. to caramelize onions; ¼ cup for frying patties)

Canola Oil (¼ cup to fry the patties in)

Caramelize onion (or shallots) in a skillet over medium heat for about 10-15 minutes, until deeply browned. Stir occasionally and be careful not to burn. Add garlic and sauté on low for an additional five minutes. Take half of your beans and half of the cooked onions and transfer to a food processor; add egg, breadcrumbs, scallion and sage. Salt and pepper generously. Pulse until combined (be careful not to overdo it, my patties were a little soupy because I was a little heavy handed with the old Cuisinart). Mash the remaining beans and cooked onion mixture with a fork in a medium sized bowl. Add mixture from processor to onions and mashed beans; form into 4 patties. To try and maintain a little bit of order I opted on giving my hands a little spritz of oil so they wouldn’t be too sticky during this step, but even with this precaution, making these patties is a mess. I started to get stressed out that I had done something wrong. I placed the patties on a lightly greased cookie sheet and popped it in the freezer for a few minutes in an attempt to try and solidify the patties a little bit. This worked well.

I was still pretty much convinced that this was a slow moving disaster in the works because I felt there was no way something that sticky and gooey was going to work itself into a “burger” that we would be capable of eating without a fork and knife. Once your patties have chilled for a couple minutes, heat a good amount of oil (I mean a good amount) in a large oven safe skillet over medium to medium-high heat (I used a combination of olive oil and canola). Brown patties in pan (about 5 minutes a side) until they are golden brown on both sides. Once again, I have to warn you they are awkward and tough to turn over, but with a little finesse you can do it. Once both sides of the patties are browned transfer the whole skillet to a 375 degree oven for another 10-15 to cook through.

Worth it? Actually, yes, they were very, very good. By expecting the worst I ended up being delighted with the end result. We topped ours with arugula, sliced tomato and hot sauce. Although, mayo or cheese would have been a welcome addition as well. I would definitely make these again. Even though they aren’t that healthy (because they’re essentially fried in oil before baked) and they are messy (I would definitely only pulse the beans in the food processor a fraction of as many times I did) I would make these again in a hot second.

Sorry for the truncated post and disgusting photos. Not my best work, I know. I’m in a bit of a pre-vacation scramble. It was dark in my kitchen when I was making dinner last night and I was so stinking hungry by the time I was done I quickly snapped a blurry photo of the end result with my left hand. Smart. So I decided to go all the way with the image, tweak it in Picture Manager and give you a veggie burger picture that looks like a forgotten still from the Beastie Boys’ Whatcha Want video. You’re welcome.

So I’m off on vacation and I am PUMPED about it. I finally get to see my sister’s new baby, as her and her family are headed in to town today (chair dance of excitement); we are headed down the Cape for a family vacay! I will be spending the next week drinking cocktails in the afternoon (woo!), eating fried sea creatures (fist pump!) and going to Sundae School (pelvic thrust!).

I'll take it

WHOLE GRAIN SALAD with SUMMER VEGGIES and FRESH HERBS

1 c. wheatberries*
4 c. water
1 tsp. salt

½ pint cherry tomatoes, quartered or halved
1 yellow pepper, diced
½ large cucumber or one small, diced
3-4 scallions, chopped
Handful basil leaves, chopped (approx. ½ c.)
Approx. ¼ cup mint leaves, chopped

¼ c. red wine vinegar
½ c. extra virgin olive oil
½ tsp. Dijon mustard
salt, pepper
pinch sugar
1 tsp. lemon zest
½ package crumbled feta

*Que pasa wheatberries, Jess? Well, glad you asked. Wheatberries are a dense whole grain that kind of look like farro (“wheatberries” is also, according to Spell Check, not a word and neither is “farro”. Whatever Spell Check, they are Google search terms and hence, exist). So I accidentally bought some wheatberries because I was convinced that they were farro, even though the label on the package clearly read “wheatberries.” I wrongly assumed “pssh, same thing!” It turns out that they were actually wheatberries, which are a whole grain not totally unlike farro, but aren’t in fact, farro. Now, I certainly don’t hate ‘em, but these suckers take like 2 hours to cook.





Since wheatberries are a weird random ingredient, I had to turn to the internet to find instructions on how to prepare them. The internet will tell you that you will need to cook one cup of wheatberries in 3-4 cups of a water with a little salt. The internet will tell you that this takes an hour. This is a vicious lie. I cooked my wheatberries for closer to two, continually adding a little more water here and there, and they still ended up, well, toothsome. Toothsome is a word used by fancy chefs to describe food that is undercooked. So the resulting salad was delicious in flavor, but moderately crunchy in texture. Next time, make this salad with quinoa, cous cous, bulgur wheat OR drained, rinsed chickpeas. Any and all of these substitutions are tasty, super healthy and take less than 20 minutes.



Personally, I really don’t mind a time commitment in the kitchen. I got a lot of other things done: did a load of laundry, drank some wine, poached some chicken, made chicken salad, baked up some tofu, talked on the phone, etc. Eventually however, as the wheatberry cooking process edged toward the 2 hour mark, I found myself drunk and impatient eager to taste the finished result. And the finished result? Actually still very good, despite the fact that the main ingredient was still a little denser than anticipated. The flavor was really good. I'll take it.



Remove your (semi)cooked wheatberries from heat, let cool for a bit. Meanwhile whisk mustard, vinegar, salt, pepper and sugar in a large bowl. Drizzle in olive oil to make dressing. Toss in diced veggies, followed by your grain, the herbs, lemon zest and feta. Toss several times. Keep refrigerated. Great as a healthy side dish, salad topper or as a snack with hummus and pita.



And don't say I didn't warn you that wheatberries might get you drunk.

Now Is the Time on Sprockets When We Dance.

Am I dating myself with this reference? I just sat down to tap out this post and it’s all I could think of. Because: Now Is the Time on Porky Dickens When We Eat Tomatoes.

We were talking about tomatoes at dinner the other night and musing how tomatoes probably have the widest spanning good-to-bad range of any food out there. The good are weak in the knees, eyes roll back in your head, change the whole scope of your taste bud spectrum good and the bad are, well, gag inducingly bad, right? So this is the time of year I wait for. When Good Tomatoes are finally plentiful. Tomatoes so good I do karate chops and small dances when I eat them. Yes, that good. So I guess, now is the time when we Dance, or rather, our taste buds dance.

So this is essentially a repeat recipe. Lo siento. In all fairness the one gripe I’ve got about seasonally delightful ingredients such as tomatoes and corn is that the recipes for preparation of same are simple, easy and basic. Because when you’ve got something this good going on the last thing you want to do is jack it up by messing with it. But I will say that a “recipe” that reads: slice tomato, salt, pepper, eat. Doesn’t exactly make for a riveting blog post but whatever.

CORN and TOMATO SALAD with SHALLOT VINAIGRETTE

A word about vinaigrettes: the first thing I ever perfected in the kitchen was basic balsamic vinaigrette. A wise sage once told me that the key to any good vinaigrette is one part vinegar to two parts oil. I can’t remember who said sage was; it might have been my mom, or Martha Stewart, or Rachael Ray. No wait, if it was Big Rach she would have said “two parts EVOO” and then I would have tuned out. So anyways, it doesn’t matter who I learned it from, now you can learn this from me. The first secret to good vinaigrette is this: Every. Single. Good. Salad. Dressing. You. Make. Will. Subscribe. To. This. Ratio. (You can tell I’m serious because of all the periods): 2 parts oil, 1 part acid. For a long time whenever I made vinaigrette I would use a shot glass. One shot vinegar, or lemon juice, two shots oil. But this made a LOT of dressing. I have since scaled it down a bit and thrown measuring at all out the window. I simply eye out my two-to-one ratio.

The second secret to good vinaigrette is emulsification. Formerly, I would blend my vinaigrette with an immersion blender, which works wonderfully if you, like me, aren’t all that handy with whisking and pouring oil evenly at the same time. These days, I combine all my dressing ingredients in a jar, clamp the lid on and shake the ever-loving life out of the thing. This works as well. I find you don’t need the strength of a good whisking wrist or the steady hand for a delicate oil pour. You CAN beat the ingredients into emulsification if you shake the jar hard enough. I call it the “shock and awe” emulsification method (patent pending).

The third secret to a good vinaigrette is twofold: Dijon mustard and sugar. Not too much of either, just a touch. About a quarter to a half teaspoon of mustard, and just one generous pinch of sugar will do. The sugar cuts the acidity of the vinegar or lemon juice and the mustard adds a little tang, a little depth of flavor and helps to thicken the dressing a bit.

Wow, you’ll notice above I said “a word about vinaigrettes” and then I yammered on for three, extremely detailed paragraphs with a lot of unnecessary punctuation. Can you tell I eat a lot of salads? And I feel very strongly about salads being appropriately dressed. And I happen to know a thing or three about vinaigrettes. I could make one in my sleep. So…with that being said, back to the salad:

SALAD

2-3 ripe tomatoes

1-2 ear(s) of corn, kernels stripped off

Handful of basil leaves, coarsely chopped

DRESSING

1 shallot, peeled and minced

¼ tsp. Dijon mustard

1 part Red Wine Vinegar

Pinch of sugar

Salt and cracked black pepper

2 parts extra virgin olive oil

In a bowl large enough for your salad combine shallot, mustard, sugar, vinegar, salt and pepper. Whisk together ingredients. While whisking drizzle in olive oil slowly to emulsify. (this is the standard means of achieving emulsification, if you would rather skip, use one of the methods above I just didn’t feel like dirtying an extra dish or jar). Add corn to bowl and toss to coat; add tomatoes and chopped basil. Serve immediately with crusty bread for sopping up the extra dressing and tomato juice.

pickled dickens

I’m not the kind of lady that pickles things. Well, unless you count my liver. Yeesh. I turned 30 on Monday and it has been a long week filled with all things overindulgent. I have had an absolute blast but I need a salad and a gallon of Gatorade. So yes, I’m 30 now, which brings me one year closer to my eventual career goal of being retired. My friend and I often fantasize about the days when we’re finally those boozy grandmas who are wicked tan and thin and eat only oysters and champagne and take to wearing their good, heavy jewelry all the time. I think I will be a very cool grandma. Which brings me to pickles (nice segue, right? Don’t hassle me I’m hung over).



The loose association between grandmas and pickles is this: my Grandma always had a pickle plate on the dinner table and my Nana was the type of lady who pickled, jarred and canned. So there you have it connection complete. Grandmas=pickles.



These are the Cliffs Notes of pickles. So simple I can hardly stand it. Truth is, I don’t even like pickles all that much, but I just needed to know if I could make them or not. Remember last month when I quick pickled some cherry tomatoes? I simply wanted to see if that recipe would translate to regular old pickles. I wasn’t even banking on these pickles being noteworthy enough to blog about but wouldn’t you know it, they were very noteworthy indeed.



The pickles have just the right amount of zip and tang and they stayed crunchy for weeks. Weeks. Take that Vlasic! In your face Claussen! If things don’t work out with my modeling career, I know I have a fall back gig making pickles. Which is fine with me, so long as I can retire in time to really enjoy my tan/drunk grandma phase.



FAST and EASY PICKLES

6 pickling cucumbers
1 ½ c. water
1 ½ c. apple cider vinegar
6 tsp. salt
3 tsp. sugar
A couple small strips lemon peel (yellow part only, no white pith)
2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
½ tsp. crushed red pepper
¼ c. chopped fresh dill



Rinse and dry your cucumbers and slice into spears or rounds (I chose rounds, although, I’m quite sure you could pickle the whole cucumbers, but it would take longer for the flavor to seep into them). Heat water, vinegar, sugar and salt in a small sauce pan over high heat. Allow mixture to come to a boil and stir a few times so that the sugar doesn’t scorch on the bottom of the pan. Let simmer until salt and sugar are dissolved (this happens quickly, stay nearby). Remove pot from heat and let cool about 20 minutes. Meanwhile, assemble your flavorings: slice garlic, chop dill, peel lemon, measure pepper. Drop cucumbers and flavoring ingredients into a large glass jar, fill with liquid.



Let sit at room temperature for as little as 2 or as many as 8 hours. Voila, pickles. Clamp a lid on that jar and store in the fridge. These pickles have kept (and stayed crunchy) for the last two weeks, going on three. I can’t comment on their lifespan beyond two or three weeks, but so far so good.



*you will note that in this last photo, you can see the liquid only fills the jar about halfway. At first, I merely followed the recipe for the Pickled Cherry Tomatoes. But the liquid only filled the jar about halfway up. So I quickly and loosely created a second batch of the liquid elements, topped it off and all was well again.